A child’s confidence is acquired, not inherited. The first person a child comes in contact with is the mother. Her level of confidence, state of mind and temperament is reflected in her behavior. Children are highly observant, picking up negative emotions and attributing it to themselves. An unhappy mother cannot have a happy child. Even the relationships we share are portrayed in our conduct. Healthy relationships reflect positive signs to the child. If the parent has an emotional imbalance she should seek psychological guidance before it affects the child. A survey shows that we unknowingly replicate our parent’s style of parenting. This must be avoided. We must make a checklist of:
- The actions that caused an elevation in our self esteem
- Those actions that aroused negative feelings
The idea here is to take the good from the past and leave the rest. When making this assessment remember that our parents too tried their best in the given circumstances.
2) HIGH TOUCH STYLE OF PARENTING
During the first two years a child’s brain grows very fast. It is in these two years that the brain forms patterns of associations, i.e. mental models of the way things work. In attachment parenting parents need to be very responsive to the child’s cues. A caring secure atmosphere will make the child feel confident and happy. What a child feels about himself is very important. The bottom line is if we are comfortable with ourselves we will be comfortable with other. Holding, hugging and kissing make the child feel special and important. These are all called moral boosters. Children whose cues are not answered promptly & consistently become confused. The child carries this uncertainty that slowly fosters mixed negative feelings and a low level of confidence. Parents must be extremely attentive as babies spot fake attention immediately. We must nurture the feeling of self-esteem by meeting every smile with a smile, every cry with a hug or a snuggle. Spending more time with them from the early days makes them feel special. Parents must realize they are not superhuman. They too have bad days and this can be communicated to the child so that they grow up accepting the normal turbulences of life.
3) PLAY TIME
Instead of viewing playtime as a chore it should be viewed as an investment in behavioral development. It is through play that a child discovers the outside world. The basic understanding of life like the animals, birds, sounds and colors are imbibed through play. Place all the toys together and let the child choose what to play with so that their attention span does not wane. Play also helps us understand a child’s temperament at various stages of development. Through positive and supportive play we lay the foundation of self-esteem.
The more interest a parent shows in doing things with children in their early years, the more a child will reciprocate the same to their parents in the later years. Parents must understand that they are doing the most important thing in this world –“RAISING A HUMAN BEING”.
The seeds of self-confidence must be sown early. Humans crave for importance and praise. This will develop if we delegate work to them. No matter how small your child is, let them do small tasks and then praise them for a job well done. This way they realize that work is a part of life and also get exposed to various aspects of their surroundings. The result is that the concept of dignity of labor is imbibed since childhood and there is a level of confidence instilled in them. A child could not keep his hands off the vacuum cleaner, so his mom let him vacuum the hall. He ended up doing a pretty good job. Teach morals through work. This child learned to appreciate cleanliness and hard work. My own 2 year old, Vivek, carries out a few small chores. He throws his own plate and spoon in the sink after every meal. He also throws all waste into the trashcan. So put on your thinking caps and assign away. Please remember to assign work according to age and supervise till they know how to do it on their own.
5) SILVER LINING
Discovering a child’s latent talent is a must for parents. After keen observation
and talking to them they begin to reveal their talent. It need not be academic, varying from writing to sports to cooking. Remember our children will be happy and successful people if they work and hone their strengths. Every child has a certain spark. To develop that spark into light and bring it out into the daylight is every parent’s duty. If your child sings well, encourage him or her, as this will build their confidence, your support leading to a better performance. Don’t let societal pressure and personal preferences rule your judgment. Explain to them the importance of good academics and also guide them in their interest. This way they develop balanced thinking and it will make them a complete person.
and talking to them they begin to reveal their talent. It need not be academic, varying from writing to sports to cooking. Remember our children will be happy and successful people if they work and hone their strengths. Every child has a certain spark. To develop that spark into light and bring it out into the daylight is every parent’s duty. If your child sings well, encourage him or her, as this will build their confidence, your support leading to a better performance. Don’t let societal pressure and personal preferences rule your judgment. Explain to them the importance of good academics and also guide them in their interest. This way they develop balanced thinking and it will make them a complete person.
6) CHILDREN FRIENDLY HOME
“Children always welcome”. Hang this sign on your door. I know it can be messy inviting small friends over, but believe me when they come over you get a golden opportunity to watch your kids’ pattern of interaction. Reticence, pushiness, generosity and initiative are some of the traits that come into the limelight. At this time parents should take notice of any negative behavior or emotions. Corrections can be instructed individually or to the whole group as the situation warrants and parents get a chance to interact with their children’s friends. After the age of six, peer pressure and influence begins to increase. “To know a man, know his friends” is a proverb, which has much weight. Monitoring mom is the key word here. We must carefully observe and gently deal with any negative elements in either your child or any of the friends.
7) WALL OF FAME
Every house must have one. It’s a wall that exclusively showcases a child’s achievements. Cut, frame and paste all their triumphs, no matter how small, right from kindergarten onwards. The presence of such an exhibition itself highlights their importance, making them constantly feel good about themselves. We as parents must provide the impetus to excel. Keep in mind that this is a lifetime process. Make this a tradition, something to pass on from generation to generation.
8) ILLNESS TAG
Some people are less fortunate then others, suffering from mental and physical disabilities. Many parents are uncertain how to deal with this and tend to feel sorry for their children, never allowing their children to feel capable of living normal lives. These children grow up feeling inadequate and attribute all their failures to their disability. One should treat the illness and not the child. With family support and encouragement the child can build confidence despite his or her seeming weakness.
Some people are less fortunate then others, suffering from mental and physical disabilities. Many parents are uncertain how to deal with this and tend to feel sorry for their children, never allowing their children to feel capable of living normal lives. These children grow up feeling inadequate and attribute all their failures to their disability. One should treat the illness and not the child. With family support and encouragement the child can build confidence despite his or her seeming weakness.
Building confidence is like nurturing a plant. It needs patience. We rediscover our lost childhood in our own children and we should enjoy this enriching journey.
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